Document shredding and data destruction done correctly can make all the difference for company security. It can also completely change the plot of many Hollywood films. Here’s a rundown of how some of them might have played out, had the characters known we existed.

Star Wars: A New Hope

The Emperor could have fulfilled his ambition to rule the universe forever, if it hadn’t been for leaked documents. The Death Star, formidable as it was, had its critical weakness exposed because someone didn’t destroy the blueprints. If they had embraced document shredding, Luke would not have destroyed the original and might never have had the chance to confront Darth Vader. Palpatine, you should have gone to SFS.

Saving Private Ryan

An order to retrieve a soldier from the front lines because his mum wants him home? You could risk the lives of your men to fetch him, or you could hand the order to SFS and let us vanish it from existence. Ryan doesn’t even want to be retrieved. So why go all that way, Tom Hanks? Why go?

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Because no good Star Wars trilogy can start without a leaked document, The Force Awakens’ entire plot is built around a ‘Map to Skywalker’ that presumably was drawn by the man himself, even though he did not want to be found. Perhaps he needed to archive the information somewhere in case he couldn’t remember where he was. Of course, a different level of security is needed when Kylo Ren can extract the map from your memory using the Force. So far at SFS, we’ve not had to deal with such a situation. 

WALL-E

All the memories of earth were stored aboard the spaceship that kept humans suspended in space. If the (spoiler alert!) rogue autopilot had destroyed the data, no doubt humanity would have never returned. This would have been quite a sad ending, so it’s just as well they archived everything in digital format, ready to be uncovered by the most adorable robot ever seen.

The Hobbit

What do you do with a secret map leading to a secret entrance on a mountain housing a dragon who’s waiting for an excuse to destroy a city? You could go and wake up the dragon, get momentarily rich and then perish in fire. Or you could shred the map to make sure nobody ever does such a foolhardy thing. Still, we learn from our mistakes.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

Let’s see Dumbledore, you’ve got a stone that would give Voldemort a chance to rise to power again? You could hide it behind a matrix of trolls, three-headed dogs, living chess pieces and a magic mirror. Or you could just put the stone in our state-of-the-art shredder. Our shredder would probably complain a little – it’s meant for document shredding after all – but it’s all in the name of stopping He Who Must Not Be Named.

So if you’re trying to stop a dark wizard or you’ve recently finished work on a Death Star, give us a bell. Or if there’s other less dramatic documents you need securely shredded, or data you need destroyed, don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Document storage is a no brainer. It frees up space in your workplace, saves on storage costs and gives your business breathing room so it can grow in other areas. But what’s the best approach to document storage and how have you chosen to do it? Here some of the sillier ideas we’ve come across for storing documents and the savvy solutions we recommended instead.

Shipping it to Antarctica

Have you noticed how much space Antarctica takes up on a globe? Imagine how many secure warehouses you could put there. We know; the mind boggles. It’s only a matter of time before document storage companies make a move on the icy continent and recruit sea lions as alternative guard dogs. Protecting documents from the frost may prove tricky though, as would retrieving the documents at speed.

Secure, super-fast retrieval

We might not have figured out frozen tundra storage yet, but we do have sites that are protected and restricted access. So they’re probably even tougher than an ice shelf for data thieves to get at. The other advantage is that we can retrieve and deliver archived documents to you within a matter of hours. It might not be like having a vault in Antarctica, but it is like having your own secure compound just down the road, with easy access for you and no one else.

Recruiting Sherlock Holmes

The guy remembers everything. He’s uses that Mind Palace thing and could probably store all the world’s sensitive data inside his head. We’ve been trying to recruit him as a consultant for a while. Unfortunately, we can’t seem to get hold of him. Of course, there’s a rumour going around that he’s not actually real… but he’s faked his own death before, so he’s probably just as capable of faking his non-existence.   

Advanced barcode tracking

In the absence of the famous detective, we’ve still got a savvy way to keep tabs on everything we’re storing. Our advanced barcode tracking system logs everything within our auditable document management system, ensuring your documents are effortlessly tracked and traced. It’s our very own Mind Palace.

Shrink rays

Zapping everything till it fits into a small desk drawer would be wonderful. But we can’t seem to find a shrink ray that works. Of course, we’d also need a growth ray that could zap documents back to their original size, or else we’d have to supply our clients with complementary microscopes. Perhaps we haven’t thought this one through.

Other ways to make it micro

“Honey, I Shrunk the Documents to a Manageable Size,” might not make for the most exciting Hollywood title, but it can still bring you joy. Converting documents to microfiche or microfilm can create secure back-ups of critical information that are guaranteed to last for 500 years (unless you want us to destroy them for you). We can take care of the micro conversions in addition to or instead of storing the original hard-copy records.

Unless of course, you are ready to fully embrace…

Going digital

Everything’s going digital these days (except a few things like gardens and teeth). It’s not just a trend to follow aimlessly, it is a secure and efficient way to store sensitive data. We have a scan on demand retrieval service that can return documents to you electronically within two hours, should you need them.

Essentially, our savvy solutions (if we do say so ourselves) stop you from worrying or wasting time on document storage and retrieval, which means you get to focus on your business instead. Which is the way things should be. If you’d like to find out more about how we can help you thrive, or you’ve managed to locate Sherlock Holmes, don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Office too cluttered? Bored of filing cabinets? Cloud storage too mainstream? Fear not. Out of our limitless ingenuity we have drawn up these alternatives to the tired status quo.

Abstraction

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, right? We don’t think businesses have truly considered how painters could streamline operations. If you were to hire a renowned artist (or perhaps a fine art undergraduate) they could translate all your long-form documents into an abstract image or two. A blue circle in the centre of a white canvas, for instance, could say everything that needs to be said about last year’s employee records. Of course, you would also need to hire art critics who could accurately interpret the abstract images. You might need to make some room for error, but at least you won’t need to make room for wordy documents.

Bury it all

Whenever pirates needed to store important or sensitive information, they found a distant island – possibly inhabited by cannibals – and dug a large hole. We think there’s valuable lessons to be learned from such an approach.

Even if hackers were to get their paws on the maps that marked the treasure, they would have to sail through dangerous high winds, fend off sea monsters and escape the clutches of Long John Silver. Businesses considering this storage option will need to settle on an alternative method for storing the treasure maps themselves. If you bury those too, your documents may be lost for a few generations.

Put in under the mattress

No one would ever think to search under a mattress would they? This unprecedented and highly original idea would require you to divide your documents between trusted employees, who would stash the sensitive material under their snoozing place. Documents stored in this way are reported to be better rested and no longer demand as much coffee in the mornings.

Hand your files to Julien Assange

Sounds counter-productive possibly. But if you accept the pessimistic belief that privacy is a thing of the past and the government is watching you through your phone camera anyway, you might as well store your documents where everyone can see it. Just pass all data to your least favourite whistleblower and let them store everything on the internet for you. Benefits include: short-term saving on time and funds. Downsides include: potential breach of law, possible company collapse.

Use TARDIS technology

Don’t waste space by sticking to a mere four dimensions. The Doctor has already shown us that we can conceal an entire space ship in blue phone box, so doing the same with our documents should be as easy as fending off another wave of daleks. When your desk can hold a warehouse of material in its drawers, storage will never be a problem again. As long as your desk doesn’t travel freely through time and space.

Deep freeze

If you don’t think you’re going to use your documents anytime soon, you could consider freezing them for the future. It’s a good option if you’re reluctant to destroy data in case it comes in use in a few centuries time. Then your children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children will be able to read your 2018 refund policy and allow its legacy to continue.

Use a professional

Ok, so maybe not an unusual solution. But an unusually good one! If you pick the right team, of course. Seriously, there are no magic formulas here, no matter what Marie Kondo says. If you need stuff stored – and you need it stored securely, in a climate controlled environment that is alarmed and monitored 24-7 – then you need to give us a call. We’re really very nice and we’ll even provide boxes and come pick everything up for you.

If you’d like to discuss your document storage needs, get in touch with us today.